If a man says he doesn't want a relationship - believe him.

He may be sexy, suave and the best thing since sliced bread. He may also be that other endearing S word - Single. But girlfriend, if a man says he doesn't want a relationship, trust me, that is JUST what he means.

As women we go off on this tiring tirade - maybe if I cook all his favorite foods he will want to be my man.
Maybe if I like all the things he likes he will see we have so much in common he will want to be my man. Maybe if I don't bitch and complain like his ex did he will want to be my man.
And of course, the played out myth, if I put the nookie loving down on him sooooo goood - he won't want to loose me. If I try the positions his other girls didn't, if I wash his clothes, if I lend him my car to go to work everyday, if I let him move in...

Bla, bla, bla. Honey chile, you WASTING time. You can cook like a southern plantation slave and have sex on the moon, that man will not be serious about you.
In fact, the more you do for him, the less serious he will get.
YES sister girl, I know you don't want to hear it, but take it from one who has walked that road all too many times.

We all know the age old saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. And men love free milk and plenty of it.

Men enjoy the fun, the dating, the sex and companionship without the nagging, the calling, the questioning, the "drama" as many of my past male lovers put it.
Keisha cooks good, Sarah is prettier to take out, Rihanna puts it down in the bedroom, Natalie gives up the money. Why settle for one good thing when he can have multiple?

Ladies, if you are looking for a relationship - DO NOT GET CAUGHT IN THE TRAP of thinking you can change that man's mind. The fact that he laid the "no relationship" card out on the table means all you are getting is a friend with benefits.

You may feel you can handle that. After all, he is too good to let pass, so why not settle for the sex if you can't get the title?
You are setting yourself up to be crying in a few months.

Sex creates a bond for females that it does not for males. While he is relieving stress with each sack session, you will be creating a platform for your own stress to grow.

The truth of the matter is you two MAY have a bond. he may really and genuinely like you as a person and see common interest that connect you. but as a man he can feel affection for multiple persons that does not conclude with a walk down the aisle.

DON'T tell yourself you can handle it. Maybe you can at first when things are new, fresh and fun, but think in terms of the long haul.
ASK YOURSELF - What will happen in six months when I have invested all my time, energy and lingerie into this man and he still doesn't want to make me his girlfriend?
What will happen when I have cooked his food, cleaned his house, ironed his clothes and he still doesn't want me.
Worse yet? What will happen if I fall in love with this man and he can't see a future with me or he suddenly runs back and tells me, his "friend" that he has feelings for someone else.
How will I feel then? What will I do? How much ice cream can i afford to eat to get over the heartache?

The hardest thing for a woman dealing with a man who remains adamant that he does not want a relationship is why. Why doesn't he want me? Why am I not good enough?
Honey, you ARE good enough  - for someone who is GOOD ENOUGH to realize you are a beautiful, smart, loyal, hardworking asset to their lives.

Don't wait for him to change his mind. Move on.


Next Blog Post. 10 reasons why he won't commit. ( For those of you who can't let go without an answer)