The discussion went from why people cheat, to how do you know if YOU are being cheated on and what do you do if you find out you ARE being cheated on?
So, of course, out of all that, came a blog, three to be exact. the first of which being the top 10 signs that you are being cheated on as rounded up by a group discussion.
The ten are in no particular order...
Ok, so they may be planning your surprise birthday party OR they may be getting up to other things they would prefer that you never knew about. If your other is suddenly talking a bit too softly on the phone or choosing not to say where, when and with who they are heading out with when it was never a problem for them to say it before, you may have a cheater.
2. Clinging to the phone like a life jacket on the Titanic-
The mobile phone has been known to cause many a fight. All this texting and tweeting and other such attention stealing social habits have made many a spouse feel neglected in the presence of their partner. If your other spends more time gazing into the phone screen than into your eyes, you might have an attention problem. But if they act like the phone can't be out of their eye sight let alone their grasp for 10 seconds or less. You may have a cheating problem. That phone may be the "unspoken" connection between your lover and his/her lover(s). That is info they do not want you to get your hands on. Literally.
3. A sudden new attitude/lease on life-
Sure, people have a change of attitude all the time, but there is always some reason behind it. For many people that reason is love. Pay attention to that Tyler Perry movie Good Deeds, When Deeds stopped being grumpy and miserable and predictable, something was up. He had NOT been physically involved with another woman, but there was the influence of another woman in his life. Usually one tends to lead to the other in such cases. If your spouse suddenly has a wonderful new attitude that you can't figure from where it stemmed, pay a bit more attention, you'll find out soon enough.
If your woman has suddenly dyed or cut her hair - that's a warning flag that something major happened in her life. If a man who always wears a suit and tie decides one day to jump into surf shorts and a tee, your antennae should be up, up, UP.
Yes, people go through stages and phases and crisis of all kinds, but often, seeing a new person will lead to changes FOR that new person.
5. Being more self aware -
If there is someone new in the picture, your spouse might be making a bit more effort for them. A woman may pay added attention to her make up or hair. A man may put on more cologne or check that hos socks match. Subtle signs like these that seem out of character are clues that someone else may be in the picture.
6. Talking about friends of the opposite sex -
Listening plays an important role in relationships and it is often by listeinng that one can determine much. If your spouse has started talking or has increased talking about a co- worker, friend or neighbor of the opposite sex, this is a red flag. There is nothing wrong with keeping friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex, but if their name keeps coming up more than usual in random conversations, the two may be spending more time together than is healthy or may be on the mind of your significant other more than you should be comfortable with.
7. He/She is suddenly carrying around personal hygiene products -
Ever seen your man with mouthwash in his car before? Or your woman ever carried a toothbrush to work? They may seem harmless to you, but if your other isn't having tuna or on some new garlic diet, that may be a tiny sign that they are covering traces of someone else's breath.
If your man goes to the gym with a cake of soap and comes home smelling pleasantly of Irish Spring, you may not want to be so quick to buy into the hype of an after basket ball shower. You might want to see if his gym clothes really are stink of sweat, cause he may have had a workout, just not on the ball court.
8. Changes in sex patterns -
This is usually the biggest warning sign that something has gone wrong in a relationship. If your spouse is NOT having sex with you or is making up excuses not to, there are many things that can be derived from that. Most people tend to think infidelity right away, however, stress, medication and many other factors can play a role here. What most people DON'T consider is when the sex drive of your other suddenly goes UP, that is a big cheating red flag as well.
If your partner is not yet physical with his new "friend" the sexual tension and desire will contribute to their libido being higher than normal. And if your partner is suddenly busting out new positions or toys and tricks that they never once considered - someone else may be pulling the strings on your puppet.
Everyone is late sometimes and some people are late all the time. But if your spouse is always late and always has excuses (that may or may not add up) you may want to do some background checks into their schedule. If meetings keep running late and the car keeps stalling, things might be a bit shady. If your spouse is not good at juggling time between you and someone else, there may always be the late factor that comes with to try to keep up with both parties.
10. The "I need time/space" story -
Whenever you hear "I need time/space"... be afraid, be very afraid. That's often the first step to something off. The person saying those words has either already considered leaving OR is testing the waters to see if there's something out there better than you. As long as they have "space" they can carry on their fling and see if it turns into something better than what they had with you. if it doesn't they can always come back.
If a person wants their space too often in a relationship - get rid of them. You are being played.
Yes, there are many, many other signs that may or be more scientifically correct than these, but no shrink am I, these were some of the major ones I pooled from a group of grown folks. Maybe next week I will do 10 more.
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